Putting up with her fit
November 10, 2012 § 14 Comments
I’ve been working my way through my own thoughts on the “manosphere” and Game, as they intersect (or not) with authentic Christianity. It is a rather chaotic and disorganized moving target of a subject, and I can’t possibly explore all the different permutations of Greek labels, social concepts, and psychological assertions. I’m a noob on the subject myself, but hopefully by the time all is said and done I’ll have kind of a Zippy’s “Idiot’s Guide to Game” here. I guess that means that, at least for this series of posts, I’ll be the Alpha Idiot (if that isn’t redundant).
One thing I’m not going to attempt is to give an overview of the manosphere, men’s rights movement, the state of marriage as a moral, social, and legal institution, and all that jazz in general. My purpose here is much more modest: to come to an understanding of, and conclusions about, “Game” as a set of prescriptions for present-day Christian men, useful “tools” (or not) in their dealings with women . I don’t know what those conclusions will be, as of this writing: that’s the beauty of blogging as contrasted to other forms of writing.
A certain amount of analytical background is necessary in order to take the subject seriously, and that is what the last few posts (here, here, here, here, and here) have been about. There are still some loose ends to tie up analytically, and in this post I’ll explore the concept of the fitness test. (It has a colorful name in the manosphere, but “fitness test” is more appropriate for polite company).
The idea of the fitness test goes beyond the typical “Lady Macbeth” notion that women tend to push their men, and that even when not being overtly pushed a man’s motivation often derives from his instinct to please and provide for his women and children. As a general thing (keeping in mind that NAWALT/NAMALT), men tend to be rather lazy absent a provider role. When placed in a provider role – something rewarding for its own sake to a man – men build civilizations. Our women (and children) make demands on us, those demands set us in motion, and that is generally a very good thing.
A good provider is motivated by his family and his family’s needs, and men are generally focused on attacking those needs out in the wider world. When things are working in their most healthy complementarian way, the man engages the world while the woman engages the household. He is outwardly focused and she is inwardly focused. As the Executive Officer to his Captain, she brings issues of the inner management of the ship to his attention when his attention is needed. Otherwise he is focused on the strategic mission, and she makes sure things are ship shape at home. Behind every good man is a good woman, and all that: not a categorically accurate statement by any means, but certainly true when things are working as they ideally should.
The idea behind the fitness test is that it is not the woman (the Executive Officer) who sets the ultimate limits on what is reasonable: it is the man (Captain). So she is wired to make demands without setting limits on those demands. She instinctively knows that a good Captain will set limits, and tell her when enough is enough. Setting limits on what is reasonable isn’t her job; it is his job.
During courtship a woman instinctively tests a man for his ability to run the ship. A “fitness test” is a demand that the woman makes of the man which pushes beyond what is objectively reasonable. He fails the fitness test when he gives in to that demand and gives her what she says she wants. Her instincts know that a good Captain will set firm boundaries and enforce them. A man who fails to do this with her when they are courting is not a good Captain. The more fitness tests he fails, the less she will respect him, and the more she will be driven to test him with even more unreasonable demands, or to break off the courtship.
When this happens inside a marriage, the result can be a cycle of escalation which is terminal for the marriage.
A problem arises in the modern context of feminism, because men have been trained to treat women as equals: as co-Captain rather than as Executive Officer to his Captain. Some have even suggested that feminism itself is a gigantic fitness test that Western women are perpetrating on Western men; and we are failing, clearly. August 18, 1920 wasn’t a day of unprecedented respect for women: it was a day when we failed them, let them down terribly; and there is a strong likelihood that our civilization will not recover from it.
The moral of the fitness test concept is that you really shouldn’t put up with her crap, no matter how good she looks. Even she doesn’t really want you to, when it comes down to it.